Yesterday I put on my brand new dress and went to work. After work I went to Maggianos in DC to meet with professors from the Journalism departnment at my college and a few students who were visiting DC this weekend.

While I was at work I got compliments throughout the entire day. I know a normal person would have just taken the positive feedback as an ego boost and moved on. I couldn't though I was sure there must be something else going on. So when my boss complimented me I spoke up. I told him I couldn't tell how to take the compliments; that I wasn't sure if they were really that simple or if it was a way of suggesting something about my choice in clothing ( I was worried that my dress may have been viewed as inappropriate).

But after hearing this, my boss only told me that people  will often assume that a person must be going to a job interview if they are dressed up the way I was. At which point he then instructed me to never tell my employers if I was looking for a different job. But then the conversation took a new turn.

We sat down and talked about what I was going to do next. Was I looking for something after Americorps? Had I thought about it?  Of course I have. Not that I have come to any concrete conclusions after weeks-- months actually--of thinking.

Nothing we discussed was anything that I didnt already know was coming. He told me he wanted to put a position back in for a person to do communications. He told me I have been doing really well and he saw a lot of room for growth if I were able to continue on the path I were on...

So even though I have expected this conversation to occur, somehow having it actually happen felt different than I thought it would. I'm not quite sure how though.

When I got to dinner last night and spoke to my professors again and I listened as they talked about all of their lessons and my old classmates complained about how hard the professors were being on them.  Last night it all made sense. My degree from a small college in a small "big city", everything my professors had talked about, my year as an Americorps member...  Things happen for a reason and now I realize how much better off I am and how much experience Ive gained and will gain...

Try new things

One of the things that I've enjoyed the most about this experience is the opportunity Ive had to get involved with the other organizations and projects that people in Project CHANGE do.

Although I dont always like to admit it (and tend to argue with myself about it when asked by other people) I use my position in communications as a way to avoid social contact.  I am a writer. That is what I do and that is what I am good at. If I thought I were a good speaker I would have gone into broadcasting or lobbying. But through Americorps and my Project CHANGE program I have had the opportunity to throw myself into large groups of people that I didnt know and speak loudly and clearly about myself and topics relevant to the conversation. And what I found was that it wasn't that bad.

In Project CHANGE I am constantly surrounded by the opportunity to do different things I don't get to do as a communications associate. But what is really great about this arrangement is that I go and help my fellow Project CHANGE members at night and on the weekends but when Monday comes around I am back to doing what I've spent my whole life planning for. Writing. Its the perfect set up. and now I know that I can do these things. It's not scary. I am now able to do a variety of things and I'm better prepared for jobs... and life in general.

Education award

Last week two girls from an Americorps program in Baltimore came to our Project CHANGE meeting to explain how to use the education award and access the money once it is received.

My award is predestined to pay off my student loans. Granted my student loans are a little higher than the amount of the award but the award will definately be a big help in getting out of debt.  However, as I sat in the classroom listening to the other Americorps members discuss all of the ways they were planning on using their award, I found myself wanting to do more.

I considered doing another year of Americorps. Because, as I mentioned, my award needs to go to my loans.

One of the Americorps members mentioned using the award to enroll in a study abraod program, which I have been interested in doing for a while.  I have also considered going back to school and getting a masters... eventually. Both of which would require a lot of money that I dont see myself having anytime soon.

So although I desperately want to move out of my parents house, start supporting myself and start a more permanent position. Americorps and or another service program seems tempting now.

Long term intern?

I seem to keep hitting a wall. Almost daily I hit this "intern" wall. Even though I was told from the beginning that this position as an Americorps member should be treated like a real job I still seem to hit the wall. There are meetings that I'm not invited to even though it seems to be part of the department and applies to my position seemingly because of my position. When I am introduced I am introduced as one of the interns. My job is temporary, and I seem to be reminded of that a lot.

A few days ago my boss and I had a meeting. We talked about this perception of being only an intern and ways that I could remedy this. "Be proactive" he told me. Which I took to mean take more initiative. Then, he said, people will start to see me as more than just an intern. I will be part of the organization.

But now, almost simultaneously, I seem to be trying to remind myself. I am only an intern. Don't get too comfortable. . . This is only temporary employment.  


In my head there seems to be no way to win. I desperately want to be taken seriously in the organization but I seem to struggle constantly with how comfortable I want to get in the organization. Would it be leading the superiors on if they start to think of me as a long term employee and even consider me for a permanent position and then I turned it down? But what if I don't want to turn it down... I have no idea what I want within this capacity and in the next five months... Maybe I am an intern. 

Americorps vs. Americorps (Maybe bigger is not always better)

I know it has been a long time since I posted anything. But here is something I've been thinking about since I started my journey in Americorps Project CHANGE. Should I have held out for a bigger more recognized Americorps position like VISTA?


A few weeks a go a young woman from the Maryland VISTA program came to our Project CHANGE meeting to compare meetings and to see what our program was like. After talking with her for a short time I got the answer to my question about Americorps programs.

She was in awe of how connected we were and how much support we had for each other.

She told me how hard it was in the VISTA program to really build strong relationships with each other since people were all over the state (and most in Baltimore while she was placed in Montgomery County).

Although I have had these concerns for a few months it was largely brought about by the fact that I reached the half way point in my year of service a few weeks ago. And this of course led to the concern of what to do next and how this year has impacted my larger career goals.

So far, though I think that has been exactly what I needed. Although I can say the interaction with other people in other Americorps programs is not only beneficial but a little therapeutic too.

Cultural Sharing/ awareness

Last week in Americorps:

Our meeting last Friday was a meeting of Study Circles. One of the Project Change non-profits. The objective of Study Circles is to raise awareness about differences between cultures and negative things that people think about other peoples backgrounds.

It started off easy. We went around sharing things from their families or their cultures and talked about what it meant to them and where they come from. the topics gradually got more intense though, one of the things the Study Circles instructors had us do was write down negative and positive things about our culture or what we identified our selves as. Then we went around the room and everyone listed what they wrote.

The day ended with "White Privilege". This is apparently a common thing to do in these workshops. But it was also without a doubt the most intense. We were all told to fill out this sheet of paper that asked about 20 questions about our every day life. "When you pick up a book do you feel certain that you will see someone that looks like you?" "Do you feel that your skin color has an effect on your getting into school?" and other things along those lines. We were asked to mark the questions with a 5 if they were true for us and a 0 if they were not. When we finished we were asked to line up in order from who scored the highest to who scored the lowest. With two exceptions, and no surprises all of the white members were on one end and all of the people of color ended up on the other.

Then we were given time to go around and talk about it and discuss the problems that people faced and the impact that color still has on society.

My only criticism of the day is that there wasn't enough time given for the most important conversation. A lot of people on the white side had things to say and a lot of women put in that there was no question or debate that  people of color still struggle in society and women do too though... It wasn't until the absolute last minute that a member on the opposite side said told everyone the group that he was upset by the fact that so many people with high scores on the "white privilege" worksheet were talking. He added that we (being white) have no idea what he goes through, and really can't talk.

This comment caused a big stirr with me and several members in my group both white and African American. We couldn't stop thinking about it and for days we talked about it and tried to understand why our fellow Americorps member, who is part of this non profit, was that offended. It wasn't until an alum offered some insight that the comment could have been fixed that it finally made sense.

He forced us to think about it for days and go over and over everything that happened and what he said and really think about what it meant to be in his position. Even though no one was trying to deny that nothing compares to the problems he or someone of color faces no matter what the gender, I realized from that exercise and the day how much I forget sometimes. Which is the point, to remember that there are still problems.

My only hope is that at the next meeting we talk about how to change.

Team Building

This week Project CHANGE 2010 went to the Smith Center in Rockville to do various team building exercises, which of course were related back to our respective work environments. 

The key element in all of the exercises that we did seemed to be communication. Which is not surprising I guess, given that it is key in any type of relationship with any amount of people, but the most difficult to conquer.

We started out with easy games. We got into a big circle, ( all 29 or 30 of us) held hands and at various points in the circle the Smith Center leader put hoola hoops over two people's hands. She told us, without letting go of our hands (breaking the circuit) to transfer all of the hoola hoops throughout the circle. Each hoola hoop had a different direction that it had to go in though so at various points in the game the hoops had to cross over each other. And that took some communication but we figured it out pretty quickly. 

The games continued throughout the morning each one a little more complicated and requiring a little bit more communication skills and patience with each other.

Our last exercise was on a big wooden board built to tip back and forth like a low see-saw. We were told that we had to all get on the board while constantly keeping it balanced. This was hard. We started out agreeing that we had to keep weight on the ends to get people on at first. But when more and more people got on the board it got harder to communicate and figure out what to do when there weren't enough people to keep weight on the end. 

This was the point where I realized how important clear and detailed communication is. No one could see everyone or hear everything that was going on and we all ended up doing different things or not reacting when we needed to. 

I am probably the only person who really loves learning things in the form of a game. Although I consider myself a people person and I think I work pretty well with other people things like this are always useful as a way to remind yourself exactly how important it is to constantly communicate and how easy it is for confusion and miscommunication to happen.