Yesterday I put on my brand new dress and went to work. After work I went to Maggianos in DC to meet with professors from the Journalism departnment at my college and a few students who were visiting DC this weekend.

While I was at work I got compliments throughout the entire day. I know a normal person would have just taken the positive feedback as an ego boost and moved on. I couldn't though I was sure there must be something else going on. So when my boss complimented me I spoke up. I told him I couldn't tell how to take the compliments; that I wasn't sure if they were really that simple or if it was a way of suggesting something about my choice in clothing ( I was worried that my dress may have been viewed as inappropriate).

But after hearing this, my boss only told me that people  will often assume that a person must be going to a job interview if they are dressed up the way I was. At which point he then instructed me to never tell my employers if I was looking for a different job. But then the conversation took a new turn.

We sat down and talked about what I was going to do next. Was I looking for something after Americorps? Had I thought about it?  Of course I have. Not that I have come to any concrete conclusions after weeks-- months actually--of thinking.

Nothing we discussed was anything that I didnt already know was coming. He told me he wanted to put a position back in for a person to do communications. He told me I have been doing really well and he saw a lot of room for growth if I were able to continue on the path I were on...

So even though I have expected this conversation to occur, somehow having it actually happen felt different than I thought it would. I'm not quite sure how though.

When I got to dinner last night and spoke to my professors again and I listened as they talked about all of their lessons and my old classmates complained about how hard the professors were being on them.  Last night it all made sense. My degree from a small college in a small "big city", everything my professors had talked about, my year as an Americorps member...  Things happen for a reason and now I realize how much better off I am and how much experience Ive gained and will gain...

Try new things

One of the things that I've enjoyed the most about this experience is the opportunity Ive had to get involved with the other organizations and projects that people in Project CHANGE do.

Although I dont always like to admit it (and tend to argue with myself about it when asked by other people) I use my position in communications as a way to avoid social contact.  I am a writer. That is what I do and that is what I am good at. If I thought I were a good speaker I would have gone into broadcasting or lobbying. But through Americorps and my Project CHANGE program I have had the opportunity to throw myself into large groups of people that I didnt know and speak loudly and clearly about myself and topics relevant to the conversation. And what I found was that it wasn't that bad.

In Project CHANGE I am constantly surrounded by the opportunity to do different things I don't get to do as a communications associate. But what is really great about this arrangement is that I go and help my fellow Project CHANGE members at night and on the weekends but when Monday comes around I am back to doing what I've spent my whole life planning for. Writing. Its the perfect set up. and now I know that I can do these things. It's not scary. I am now able to do a variety of things and I'm better prepared for jobs... and life in general.

Education award

Last week two girls from an Americorps program in Baltimore came to our Project CHANGE meeting to explain how to use the education award and access the money once it is received.

My award is predestined to pay off my student loans. Granted my student loans are a little higher than the amount of the award but the award will definately be a big help in getting out of debt.  However, as I sat in the classroom listening to the other Americorps members discuss all of the ways they were planning on using their award, I found myself wanting to do more.

I considered doing another year of Americorps. Because, as I mentioned, my award needs to go to my loans.

One of the Americorps members mentioned using the award to enroll in a study abraod program, which I have been interested in doing for a while.  I have also considered going back to school and getting a masters... eventually. Both of which would require a lot of money that I dont see myself having anytime soon.

So although I desperately want to move out of my parents house, start supporting myself and start a more permanent position. Americorps and or another service program seems tempting now.

Long term intern?

I seem to keep hitting a wall. Almost daily I hit this "intern" wall. Even though I was told from the beginning that this position as an Americorps member should be treated like a real job I still seem to hit the wall. There are meetings that I'm not invited to even though it seems to be part of the department and applies to my position seemingly because of my position. When I am introduced I am introduced as one of the interns. My job is temporary, and I seem to be reminded of that a lot.

A few days ago my boss and I had a meeting. We talked about this perception of being only an intern and ways that I could remedy this. "Be proactive" he told me. Which I took to mean take more initiative. Then, he said, people will start to see me as more than just an intern. I will be part of the organization.

But now, almost simultaneously, I seem to be trying to remind myself. I am only an intern. Don't get too comfortable. . . This is only temporary employment.  


In my head there seems to be no way to win. I desperately want to be taken seriously in the organization but I seem to struggle constantly with how comfortable I want to get in the organization. Would it be leading the superiors on if they start to think of me as a long term employee and even consider me for a permanent position and then I turned it down? But what if I don't want to turn it down... I have no idea what I want within this capacity and in the next five months... Maybe I am an intern. 

Americorps vs. Americorps (Maybe bigger is not always better)

I know it has been a long time since I posted anything. But here is something I've been thinking about since I started my journey in Americorps Project CHANGE. Should I have held out for a bigger more recognized Americorps position like VISTA?


A few weeks a go a young woman from the Maryland VISTA program came to our Project CHANGE meeting to compare meetings and to see what our program was like. After talking with her for a short time I got the answer to my question about Americorps programs.

She was in awe of how connected we were and how much support we had for each other.

She told me how hard it was in the VISTA program to really build strong relationships with each other since people were all over the state (and most in Baltimore while she was placed in Montgomery County).

Although I have had these concerns for a few months it was largely brought about by the fact that I reached the half way point in my year of service a few weeks ago. And this of course led to the concern of what to do next and how this year has impacted my larger career goals.

So far, though I think that has been exactly what I needed. Although I can say the interaction with other people in other Americorps programs is not only beneficial but a little therapeutic too.